Monday, March 16, 2009

birthday

i turn 38 at the end of this month and that is enough to get me re-evaluating my life. i am a reasonably happy person. i love my city and for the most part, my jobs but i can't help feeling like something is missing. perhaps i should be farther along in my life, a famous writer or successful artist. maybe i am just spinning my wheels. i know that i have been wasting a lot of time and energy on relationships that don't work and maybe that is a self-created distraction that prevents me from focusing on the goals i wish to attain. i fail in relationships so i don't have to fail at other things. how is that for a little pop psychological self analysis? turning 38 will do that for you. over all, my thirties have been good to me. i felt more confident in myself and more sure of who i wanted to be even if i have yet to totally become that person. i studied and got my tour guide's license and bought a house. i'm proud of those achievements. i regret the string of failed relationships that are behind me like so many train wrecks. oh, the carnage. i regret not standing up for myself more in my most recent relationship. i am not sure why i endured the abuse and constant teasing. one wonders these things. well, here is to growing up and learning life's many lessons along the way. i have begun feverishly preparing for a new series of paintings and am currently putting together a writing portfolio. here is to hoping that 38 is the year i make my mark on the literary and artistic worlds. and here is to evolution, may we all continue to evolve. damn, i hope i do!

2 comments:

CrookedCharisma said...

I sometimes feel the same way, but ultimately, if you are happy with your life then that is the most important thing in my opinion.

Leigh C. said...

Happy early birthday!

I myself can't decide what my best decade has been. As for my best year(s), probably my 25th and 35th. Now I'm gonna be thinking about this all night and into next day, along with the half-man, half-tree I was shown at the packing & shipping place today...