on being a tour guide

i am always stunned and left to ponder why on earth you would spend 20$ to take a tour and then be damn determined not to have fun. i had a woman on my tour tonight who got bent out of shape over the fact that the tour price had risen by a whole two dollars and thus she remained sour for the remainder of the tour, refusing to even crack a smile or remotely entertain the idea of actually having fun. hello, you are in new orleans and while it is true that my tour contains a lot of history, it is hardly a walk to the gallows. i don't really think people realize what goes into making a successful tour. not only do i have to remember the dates and facts and somehow weave them into a palatable campfire story while having to have a firm grasp of new orleans' history and its place within the larger historical picture in order to answer random questions but i also have to deal with the madness of the french quarter streets. there is the noise factor of trash trucks, motorcycles, screaming drunken tourists,cars blasting music, and the ever original folks that say boo. there are also the approaching drunks, homeless people begging for money, freaks that try to physically touch my tour guests, and the odd person who threatens to beat my ass down in the street. this is all going on as my guests are talking amongst themselves and over me, talking on the phone or texting, drunk and falling down, drunk and suddenly thinking they are terribly witty, or adopting the i am oh so bored and can't wait to get off this tour posture. i must be a body guard, historian, story teller, ghost hunter extraordinaire, and babysitter all rolled into one. now, don't get me wrong, i love my job. i'm out in the open air, getting paid to walk and talk. it is more than some and that is saying a lot but sometimes it can be difficult and that is without the added onus of a dower old woman who refuses to have fun.