the crazies of christmas are out

i was in the thick of french quarter combat parking when this lady, that looked like a romanian goth version of miss piggy, stepped out into traffick. she was daring me to hit her and i took her dare, forcing her to stop mid-waddle. aghast, she hexed me old world style complete with strange signs and a vitriolic pox on me and my children.

3 things

1.)the senate repealed "don't ask, don't tell." finally gay men and lesbians can serve without the fear of being drummed out of the military simply for being who they are. it is a good day in this country.

2.)there is a lunar eclipse tonight on the eve of the winter solstice. if that does not conjure your inner pagan then nothing will.

3.) nash roberts died. in my 15 plus years of living in new orleans, i have never made a decision about evacuation in the face of an approaching storm, without knowing what nash roberts suggested. if he said stay then i stayed. he was always right even when every other meteoroligist said something contrary. they do not make them like nash roberts anymore.

stoned

spoke the cat is stoned on cold medicine and wondering why my shoes are always so hungry that they insist on eating my socks. it is a scary world to be a sock. you go into the washer or dryer but you don't always come out.

Kristallnacht

It is the 72nd anniversary of Kristallnacht when Nazis burned 250 synagogues, smashed shop windows of Jewish owned businesses, and arrested thousands of Jewish men. I would like to take this opportunity to remind us all of the importance of tolerance. We should never allow our our differences to morph into bete noirs so powerful that our fear of them becomes irrational and turns into hatred. Let us preach tolerance when it comes to Muslims and mosques. we must afford homosexuals the same freedoms as every other citizen of this country. It is acceptable to criticize a president for his policies but not for the color of his skin. We must remember that the United States was a country founded by immigrants. If we allow fear to turn into hate then we open the door for atrocities to take place such as what happened on Kristallnacht 72 years ago to the day. Remember the person next to you is wonderfully unique and that is something to be praised not abhorred.

republicans

it would appear that health care for all in this country is not nearly as important as one might hope. the people have spoken, allowing the republicans to take back the house, thus affording them the opportunity to repeal the so-called obamacare. as one of the multitude of uninsured in this country, i find this dazzling sweep of stupidity offensive and frightening. yet despite the level of fear this generates, it is nothing compared to the chills up my spine sensation over the many judges voted out of office nation wide. why were these judges ousted? was it because they were corrupt or failed to uhold the law? no, it was because they failed to vote according to republican party lines in matters such as gay marriage and abortion. these judges did not vote based on personal or political bias. They actually cast their votes as a part of their job, which is to champion the freedoms guarunteed to all citizens regardless of their sexual orientation or political affiliation. it is a dark day for american justice when judges are punished for doing their jobs. if we as a populace continue to punish our judges in this way, we can expect justice to be bought and sold like so many of our other ideals are in this country. if we disagree with a judge then there are recourses. we can draft an amendment to the constitution and vote on it. DO NOT PUNISH the judges for voting according to the letter of the law just because you personally disagree with it. as a wiser person pointed out, this would be like running umpires off the field every time they made an unfavorable ruling. how long would we expect the game to continue to be played were that to occur. without the umpires, the game dissolves into chaos on the field. without the judges, american society devolves into anarchy.

God has a sense of humor

the basin street station visitor's center has a mini replica of the city of new orleans as it would have looked circa 1900. it was created for the movie "pretty baby." when it was created, it incorporated the entire city's 1900 boundaries. at one point, the display went to paris and was stored in a warehouse there. the warehouse had a leak in the roof and i am (giggle)sad to say that most of the mini new orleans was lost to the ensuing flood. the french quarter remained in tact. it is on high ground after all.

observation number two

freedom of speech allows you to say whatever pops into your head but it does not protect you from the negative reactions of others, so do not complain when people call you names or you get fired.

observation number one

today, i saw a woman walking down the sidewalk wearing a shirt that read: "POSSE life skills" that proceeded to list them. 1.positive
2.optimistic
3.socially skilled
4. self motivating
5. enthusiastic.

she had curlers in her hair, fuzzy slippers on her feet, and a bottle of beer in one hand. it was noon. hmm.

masturbation for all!

in light of tea party pooper, christine o'donnell, i am designating october 20th as national masturbation day. that's right, october 20th is now national masturbation day so stock up on your porn, practice those wrist limbering exercises, and get that day off from work so you can indulge in a little self love. don't forget; when you are in that frenzied, oh so LUSTFUL moment of orgasmic pleasure, to cry out loudly "oh...oh...o'donnell"!!!!! she is after all the inspiration for this greatest of fun filled days.

pass on the word! she bop. he bop. we bop.

love

True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.
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François de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) French writer.

five years later

pierce lewis called new orleans "an inevitable city on an impossible site." and there you have it; a history of storms, fires, floods, diseases, violence, oil spills, and one earthquake. somehow, despite it all or maybe because of it all, new orleans still stands. i have loved this city from the first moment i laid eyes on her. new orleans, the pleasure capital of the country. she is the lure of gypsies, bohemians, musicians, and artists. my new orleans, a fucked up, broken down, debauched, corrupt banana republic sexing up the steamy swamps and driving us all a little mad with her seduction.

the city was founded in 1718 in the middle of a sinking, sweltering swamp. in 1722, a storm blew through and knocked down most of the buildings in the city. bienville situated his colony near the mouth of the river in order to ensure french supremacy over river trade. by the 1830's, new orleans was the wealthiest city in the country. it quickly became the nation's 2nd largest port. it lured men with the promise of financial gain. fortunes were won and lost. despite new orleans' victorian era ascendancy, there was always an air of decay about the city, being both moral and physical. prostitutes brazenly plied their trade with carpets under their arms and when solicited, they unfurled them and took the men right there on the streets. in 1857, yellow fever claimed some 12,000 lives. bodies were stacked up in the streets rotting beneath the infernal haze of tar being burned to combat the swampy miasma. new orleans was dirty, dangerous, and terribly exciting. it remains so to this day.

i came to new orleans to escape the suffocation of my conservative, religious upbringing and here, i found a freedom that i had never known before. it was a freedom to love the things about me that my childhood had taught me to hate. i will always be grateful to this city for that.

katrina hit and the city flooded. i sat huddled around the battery powered radio, listening in disbelief as the reports of multiple levee breaches came in. i remember the announcer's voice breaking as he said, "it's all gone. the whole city has flooded." i will never forget the phone calls of people coming into the radio, saying they were trapped in their attics with the water rising fast and no way out. they had the sick. they had children. they had the old. the announcer was crying when he said that no help was coming and their lines, one by one, went dead. how can i forget the dead pit bull on the corner of my block that i watched decay until there was nothing left but the bleached out bones? what about my dead neighbor? all the hours i spent searching houses? all the times i had to flag someone down to report another one dead? it is five years later and sometimes it seems like it is still happening.

new orleans, you have survived the wreckage of your years. you stand up, only to fall again. yet when you rise, you rise like no other city. you rise up with music...the second line sweetness of jazz. you refuse to stay down. god knows you deserve a rest but you RISE up. we all rise up. we all rose up, the living and the dead...their ghosts parading our streets. so rise up new orleans. rise up like no other city can.

why i hate home depot

i am painting the trim in my front two rooms and after days of inhaling the volatile compounds and being ever so high from the aroma, i decided to head to the home depot for a low-voc alternative. i walked up to the paint counter to be greeted by a bleached blond, heavy set girl that oozed a disgruntled, slovenly air while loudly smacking on neon yellow chewing gum. as a greeting, she collapsed upon the counter and grunted, "yeh?" i placed my order for no or low-voc paint. i did not expect this to be a problem. she stared at me for several seconds, blinking her eyes repeatedly before asking what that was. really?? i explained it. she had never heard of such a thing and since she was unaware that such paint existed, home depot could not possibly carry it. i could not help but notice that her bright orange apron not only gave her a vague resemblance to an over sized orange but that it also had "EXPERT" sewn into the fabric. i wondered what she could possibly be an expert in. i assured her that they carried that type of paint. it is after all hot to be eco-friendly. she shrugged. i suggested getting a second opinion at which point she hollered across the store like a pig farmer calling the hogs back in for the night. another supremely intelligent being approached the counter, mumbled something about "fresh air" paint, vanished in search of it, and came back empty handed. they discussed it for a few minutes, when orange number one said in between bubble gum smacks, "yeh so what then, i'll have to match it?" yes i thought, you will have to match it. you work at the paint counter. you have to match paint all day. that is the majority of your daily duties at the home depot. she called an off duty employee, another expert in the field no doubt, and vanished down one of the many aisles. at this point i noticed a display of clearly marked LOW-voc paint. hmmm, i thought. she returned to tell me they had discontinued such a thing. i repeated what she said because it was so nutty to me on so many levels. one, i was looking at the product behind her and two, in this "green" friendly state of things there is no way in hell they discontinued it. i took a deep breath and pointed out the display and what the display said. she grunted, shrugged and said, "Uh we don't have it. he said we discontinued it." well then if joe the home depot off duty expert-in-his-field employee said it, it fucking must be true. i quietly exited the building, drove to lowes where the wonderful gentleman did not greet my question incredulously as though i had spoken in an alien tongue.

sometimes...

i woke up the other morning, stretched and was promptly stricken by a charlie horse. in my state of panic to get up and walk it out, i became tangled in the sheet and fell to the floor. this disturbs me on more than one level. first, charlie horses are stupid and painful. secondly, i must now face the fact that i have reached the age where i suffer from charlie horses. damn.

charlie horses are caused by low potassium so i set out for the kitchen to make myself a banana smoothie. the bananas are frozen so that the smoothie takes on the wonderful consistency of ice cream. i put all the ingredients into the blender and let it do its magic. when i poured the smoothie into my glass, the still whole, frozen banana hit the rim and fell to the floor. it fell to the fucking floor!! no potassium and my smoothie was bland.

days and days and days into this heat and i am murderously weary of it. i walk and walk and walk; conducting tours in the thick air, sweating out my body weight so that no matter how much water i consume, i still can only manage to urinate once or twice a day. my stomach is water logged and still the sweat rolls down my face.

is there anyone out there that practices voodoo or knows the secrets of native american rain dances?? if so, please call down the merciful, cooling, blessed rain onto our febrile brows...we who writhe in hellish agony,screaming out from parched throats. it is enough to make me rethink my climate choice.

the ugly tourist

today i heard the most ridiculous excuse for backing out of a tour. it was a cemetery tour and the lady actually expected us to put on a jazz funeral for her. i kindly pointed out that we save jazz funerals for people that have actually died and therefor she would not be witnessing one on the tour today. she got mad at this. she actually got angry over the fact that there would not be a convenient death and consequent jazz funeral for her amusement. the tourists are getting so demanding. perhaps this is our answer to all the criminals sitting on death row...we execute them for the tourists' enjoyment and then send them off to the cemetery in fine fanfare a la a jazz funeral. the funny thing is, even if we had given her just the spectacle she was looking for, she probably still would not have tipped. the gall!

cabin fever

i was thinking on lands where the winter comes in harshly and locks down the countryside for extended periods of time and dreaming of snow,snow, snow. i would settle for a breeze that whispers of autumn but we won't be blessed with that until october. in those places accustomed to cold, summer is pure freedom. it is a time to get out and enjoy endless sunny days but here where winter is a ghost of itself, the summer is the real boogey man. it is a truly brave soul that ventures from the dark, air conditioned cave of a home and into the noon day streets where the heat rises, shimmering and distorting the look and feel of things. it is a wet wool blanket drawn tight about the face so that you panic into thinking you might literally drown in such a tepid soup. every day there is the unsettling feeling that maybe you are the frog in the boiling water as the temperature is slowly increased.

my girlfriend just left for the north and that has further accentuated my suffering in this circle of dante's inferno. new orleans settles in the summer. it is a slow sagging, pulling down into the miasma of this swampy mess of a place. we ooze, drip, and radiate dissatisfaction. the air is still. the air is heavy. the heat index has surged above 100 degrees. we drag ourselves along like weary soldiers burdened with shell shock, all of us inflicted with the ten mile stare. we have seen too much. we have felt too much. storms. oil. heat. stagnation. crime. decomposition. everything is slowly rotting in this heat under the odor of french quarter trash, stale beer, piss, and the ever present stench of oil. every year i say, there is no good reason to suffer another summer in the not so easy "big easy" and yet here i find myself.oh well...there is always next summer. russia? finland? alaska? in the mean time, i am sipping my pimm's cup and losing myself in reveries of snow, snow, and more snow, falling like sweet relief.

comfortis

comfortis is a new flea medication that is administered orally to dogs. it kills fleas within four hours thus making it something of a hit with veterinarians. my vet recommended the drug and we administered it to our three dogs on wednesday and by thursday morning, two of our dogs had vomited. as the day progressed both dogs became increasingly lethargic and depressed to the point of being nearly unresponsive. we grew worried and began some online research into comfortis(which admittedly we should have done prior to giving the drug). what we discovered was frightening. they only tested the drug for 90 days before unleashing it on the public. it has killed dogs. people report giving it to their otherwise healthy dog, only to have seizures and death occur. as the night wore on, one of our doge exhibited neurological ailments...his face began twitching and he suffered from dizzyness. as we read on, we discovered that these symptoms could get increasingly worse, dragging out for weeks at a time before the dog died or got better. i discovered that the drug elevated the liver enzymes of the dosed animals and made the executive decision to give our three dogs milk thistle to combat the toxicity. by friday morning, our dogs seemed much better and we have continued the milk thistle to maintain healthy liver enzymes and ensure that the toxicity is totally abated.

i write this as a warning. please DO NOT give your dog comfortis. some of you may have already given your dogs the drug and they tolerated it just fine but discontinue its use anyway. i read countless testimonials of people that had dosed their dogs numerous times prior, only to have them go into seizure, coma, and die. this drug is dangerous. there are non toxic ways to combat fleas and i should have gone that route. i thank God that our dogs survived. please do not put your dogs at risk.

mccrystal

...maybe the question we should ask is why general mccrystal; in the middle of his afghanastan policy, has the time to give rolling stone an interview? his troop build up initiative is way behind schedule and may very well be on the verge of collapse but by all means, take time out to bash government officials in a pop culture magazine. i think perhaps mccrystal is not mature enough to lead the operation.

the plan

http://www.cnn.com/video/bestoftv/2010/06/12/gp...

the above link that i actually cannot decipher how to properly link is of fareed zakaria lamenting the focus by the media on getting an emotional rise out of the president. it is such an excellent commentary that there is little to add.

i guess what i would like to see from obama is an actual plan. we all know that the government cannot stop the gushing oil. we simply do not have the capacity to do so. yet, there are measures that can be taken.

1.)make relief wells mandatory on all deep water drilling rigs. immediately begin drilling them to offset the economic loss oil rig workers. this buys time to over haul the safety practices.

2.)begin an energy over haul in this country where we create thousands of new eco-friendly jobs that radically begin to detox this nation from its oil addiction. the goal is to be oil free and give the country a time line. we all need structure.

3.)pass a law that states no politician can take money from oil companies.

we need a plan. we need a radical plan to move this nation forward, creating new jobs, weening us off of oil, and thus weakening terrorists by hitting them in their pocket books. we need to act as a nation and stop looking back to fossil fuels and concentrate on a cleaner future.

israel

do we really live in a society that so cowards before israel that citizens cannot speak out against the rogue nation without fear of public castigation? israel is a terrorist state, routinely engaging in acts that we accuse al-queda of doing. you do not get to steal land from palestinians under the guise of "returning home" to a place you have not occupied in 2,000 years. it is an act of terrorism to massacre 254 women, children, and old men in the palestinian village of deir yassin only to turn around and declare yourself a nation.

here is a news flash...israel is not the chosen people. they are not better than the rest of us that live on this planet. they are a rogue nation. they engage in terrorism. israel has repeatedly abused the palestinians while stealing their land. i applaud anyone with the guts to stand up, risking their job to tell the truth and what is the truth? the truth is that israel should get the hell out of palestine and the united states should stop supporting their petulant behavior.

top kill

is it just me or does it seem like the so called best minds in the business have no idea what they are doing? i have a suggestion that i think is just as viable as the junk shot...let's just wrap the whole thing in duct tape. it is strong, water proof, and can withstand an amazing amount of pressure. i mean as long as we are letting our imaginations run free and if that does not work, we can zap it with our giant ray gun.

my god!

i fail to understand what the hol up is exactly. where is the coast guard? build the damn sand barriers! no more excuses. is there not one fucking administration that cares about louisiana and new orleans. the oil will kill the marsh grasses. when the marsh grasses die, the land erodes into the gulf of mexico. the more land we lose, the more vulnerable new orleans becomes. is there someone in the government that wants new orleans to die? i am starting to wonder. what a disgusting disaster. what the fuck? storm season is coming and we had all better pray that nothing comes into the gulf. fuck.

chris myers

in a perfect world, people would not blame the victims. imagine the horror of standing on your roof top watching bodies of your neighbors float by and wondering when help will arrive. factor in the relentless august heat, no shelter, no water, and the fear that your house might be next to collapse. i guess i fail to understand how people sitting comfy in dry homes can somehow compare the fortitude of one natural disaster victim to another. all i know is that there were real heros operating that day. ordinary people that took boats and rescued person after person off their roof tops when there was no government help in sight. i never met a stranger after the storm and i saw people collapse on the street under the weight of such loss in this city post-katrina, that were helped up by people previously unknown. we may have a reputation but in new orleans, i learned that we take care of our own. we weathered katrina and gustav and we will weather this damn oil spill. we are the city of new orleans and fat mouthed sportscasters and stupid b.p officials can go fuck themselves. we are new orleans!

cnn

the cnn weatherman said that the water temperature off the coast of africa is two degrees warmer than it should be for this time of year and that has not happened since 2005 when katrina hit. he then drew a straight line from africa to new orleans and call the situation a cow. "what we have here is a cow but that does not mean we will have cow soup though we will get beef broth but not necessarily cow soup. but we do indeed have a cow." the cnn bobble head standing next to him, who is clearly a wise man replied, "so what you are saying is that we don't want cow soup?" so i learned that cows are to be feared and cow soup hated but we might as well get used to beef broth because there is no escaping it. what this has to do with storm season, i have no idea but i feel cow savvy.

now what is it we are fightingfor again??

this so called war on terrorism is supposed to be war against those that would destroy our way of life. what is our way of life?? is it freedom? because if it is then maybe we should not allow our government to erode our civil liberties. it is appalling that the current administration is contemplating the suspension of miranda rights of any citizen accused of terrorism. once upon a time, a united states' citizen was innocent until proven guilty. maybe we should become like the countries that we are fighting against. countries that stone their citizens without trials. i guess if we take on the characteristics of our enemies then they need not be called our foes. hmmm...perhaps this is our new fucked up road to peace.

the texas tour

I had a rather large family from texas on my tour the other day. it consisted of a mother and her brood of children, ranging in ages from 8 to 21. now i'm no prude but i was shocked to look over and see this skinny, pimply skinned kid no older than 13 and 75 pounds soaking wet sucking the life out of a cigarette like a damn pro. as the tour progressed all the kids save for the very youngest were not only smoking but knocking back the hurricanes and even absinthe. wow, it's true that texas really is a whole other country. i just don't think i want it stamped on my passport.

maybe now we can reconsider offshore drilling

well, i think now we can put to bed the notion that offshore oil rigs are safe. perhaps president obama might reconsider opening the gulf to new offshore drilling. this is not a minor spill with a limited amount of oil. this is a catastrophic event, spewing thousands of gallons of oil into the gulf of mexico, threatening the delicate ecosystem of our already fragile wetlands. we have the technology to free ourselves from this oil addiction but we continue to be held hostage to oil lobbyists. it has to start with the american people demanding an alternative to oil. we have to put the fear of god into washington. they have to be more afraid of us and our voting power than they are of the power that big oil wields. we can change our country's energy policy but we have to act now! we have to act together.

something to think about

general motors borrowed $50 billion from u.s taxpayers. it is investing $250 million to build a research center in china as part of its new "international" headquarters. they continue to expand their engineering team in china. they are hiring more people in china. now, i just want to emphasize that they borrowed $50 billion from u.s taxpayers and yet they seem more concerned with aiding the chinese economy than the u.s one. perhaps they could pay that money back and borrow what they need from china.

says it all

wondering...

do you think dogs have bad dreams and if so, what would be a bad dream for a dog?

you know...

i really am an optimist but sometimes, things can really depress and frustrate me. i think it is very sad that a mississippi teen was forced to miss her prom simply because the school withdrew their sponsorship in the face of the aclu charges of discrimination. so basically this girl was punished for being gay and wanting to share her prom with her girlfriend. way to go mississippi...you really are the state that continues to make louisiana look good.

california, with all of its progression(you can actually buy raw milk in the stores)is only now debating whether they should repeal a state law designed to find a cure from homosexuality. a cure makes it sound like a bad case of strep throat or ebola. i can just hear parents now, "now run along to school and remember don't touch any effeminate men wearing pink or any short haired girls sporting a tool belt lest you catch the gay disease." now that is tax payer money well spent.

it has been awhile

it is spring and i have been out of the loop though if asked, i would be hard pressed to say exactly what i have been doing or where i have been doing it. i think i have been mostly hiding.

i love spring in the city. warm days. cool nights. it is the season when every hour is the perfect hour for a cocktail. perhaps a pimm's cup with muddled up cucumber to infuse the taste of spring throughout.

we just painted the spare bedroom orange and are contemplating a garden in the backyard. we have to get the soil tested before we can plant edibles since the area flooded in katrina and also because of the history of lead paint in new orleans.

we have begun juicing and taking some tentative steps into the raw food life style. i will be writing more blogs on this adventure. i am doing some research on what constitutes a healthy diet and feel some rants coming on. they promise to be terribly politically incorrect.

till then.

the ghost of mardi gras past

another mardi gras has come and gone and i say thank god! there were some observations that i noted and wish to share.

1) there will always be stupid people that decide to drive into the heart of masked revelers dancing in the street and have the audacity to actually get angry over people not moving out of the way.

2)there will never be enough portable bathrooms.

3)you cannot use a bathroom in an establishment without buying a drink that will cause you to need to use the bathroom in an establishment which will force you to purchase a drink that will make you need to go to the...oh bloody hell, you get the point.

4)there will always be the same guys dressed as skeletons with big bones dangling from there crotches and as they consume one big ASS beer after another, they will inevitably come on to women using their boners...ha, ha get it? boner? they are skeletons. yeh, it isn't really very original.

5)it is best to go out to mardi gras early and be home in bed, with a liter of gator aid and a packet of vitamins by no later than 5 pm.

until next time.

it's looking up!!

this is shaping up to be a pretty good year. we have a new mayor. the saints won the super bowl and did it just before mardi gras!! this means good international exposure...you know, keeping the new orleans' brand out there but in a good way. maybe now, every other tourist won't be telling me how people thought they were crazy for coming to new orleans because they think it is still under water.
soon, we will have a new police chief. a chief who is articulate enough to string more than two sentences together. a chief who doesn't slander members of the city council and whine over some secret shadow government. i think somebody should take their anti-psychotic pills.
my birthday is approaching and i will be 39. 1 year away from 40 and i can honestly say that i am the most comfortable i have been in my own skin for the entire length of my life.
i have a wonderful girlfriend that i am fortunate enough to now be living with and together, we have three amazing dogs.
i am creating art and getting back into writing. i have some business opportunities. things are looking up. here is to 2010, may it be the best damn year so far. wishing you all a wonderful year.

why georges is not getting my vote

dear mr. georges, you are not black so please refrain from playing the race card as though you are and while on topic, you are not hip enough either. i am always suspicious of politicians that change their party allegiances simply because they think it will make them more palatable to voters. georges, you were a republican but switched to being a democrat because we love democrats in new orleans. hmm, i wonder where your loyalties really lie. you sold all your gambling machines when you ran for governor because that looked bad but when you lost, you bought them all back. i am waiting for the real georges to stand up. so, you can throw your money around on fancy attack ads but you still won't get my vote.

freezing

i live in one of those oh so typical new orleans' houses, built back in the 1860's, no insulation, tall ceilings, and floor to ceiling windows. in other words, the heat just flies right out. my house is happily raised, good for floods but bad for exposed plumbing. i left my water running in the front bathroom and the kitchen but not the back bathroom. i only left the cold water running. this leads me to number 601 on the things you should know about home ownership. if your home is raised but not underpinned then you should leave the water running at every faucet and that includes both hot and cold. go team! i did not do that. i now have no hot water in any part of the house and no water of any kind in the back bathroom. we are not going to get out of the thirties today and so there will be no showers. i'm having post-katrina flashbacks. here is the real kicker, i think the pipes cracked a bit but i am hoping that it is just condensation and nothing more.
house ownership rule number 602, if your house is raised and not underpinned then you should insulate your pipes even if you live in the sub-tropics. who knew?
ok, i am off to blowdry the pipes for warmth.

spoke needs to meditate

it is a brand new year and i intend to have some things to show for it by the time 2011 comes rolling around. this is going to be the year that i get my finances is in order, my relationships tidied up, and my art work off the ground. oh and i am going to travel. i guess i have been stuck in idle far too long and need to kick myself in my own ass to get motivated. i also need to start meditating. i come from rural southwest georgia where the concept of meditating might mean ruminating on the weather or soybean blight but nothing like the soul lifting buddhist transformation. in other words, i have no fucking idea how to go about meditating. do i light a candle? should i take a bath? is it about counting my breaths? what? how do you stop your mind from wandering? spoke is soliciting help from the oh so few readers who are just bored enough to actually be reading this. open the flood gates and let the advice come gushing in!!