it's worth pondering

new years' eve would have been our anniversary had we not broken up, again. then we got back together and then we broke up, again. i say we as though i in any way had a say in the matter. i was more like an innocent by-stander. i was just hanging out on the corner when the car made the turn, opened fire and mowed me down. there was lots of blood and much carnage. now i really have no idea why she ended things.i never really do. one minute i was kissing her goodnight in front of a herd of nuns(or flock of nuns, or clutch but perhaps not murder. i suppose murder is reserved for the crows)and the next thing i know i'm getting a break up text message. all i really know for sure is that i miss her. i miss her terribly. i wish she would come to her senses and realize that she misses me. i wish she would just admit that there is something between us that will always be there no matter how long we go without speaking or how far apart we might wander. i can't explain it. i can't write out what she means to me or what we have but it is there none the less. so i wait because i can't keep going to her. i can't always be the one that tucks my tail between my legs, coughs up an apology and tries to move on. just once, it would be nice for her to come to me. so i wage war on myself, battling against the weaker me, who wants to text her. i just keep wishing that she would come home and stop the war.