Saturday, January 31, 2009

things i have learned from being stupid

1) do not startle a man peeing in public. it may seem like a good idea but trust me, it's not.
2) never introduce your current girlfriend to your ex. there is never a good reason for this and it will never not end badly. either they will hook up, compare your sexual prowess in bed, or become best friends long after they have cut all ties with you and there really is no lonelier feeling than that.
3)do not, under any circumstances go to your friendly neighborhood bar after your girlfriend has dumped you. you know too many people there and they will buy you too many shots. you will make an ass of yourself, fall down, get hurt, wake up hungover and twice as miserable as the day before.
4)do not tell any secret that you value as staying a secret. it will never stay a secret, even if you entrust it to the one that has your heart. you will be lucky if it is not on the 6 o'clock news.
5)do not try to pop a wheelie on your bicycle while riding down royal street. i don't care if you could do it effortlessly when you were twelve. you are in your thirties now and you will wreck your bike in front of a large crowd of people, including a gaggle of pretty girls. this brings me to number 6.
6)know your limitations. Icarus, the wings won't hold that close to the sun!!
7)do not spit into the wind.
8)don't pull the mask off the ole lone ranger.
9)don't tug on superman's cape
10)and don't mess around with jim.
these helpful tips have been brought to you by darwin's top ten, helping stupid people exit the world before they breed for as long as man has been devolving.


Bigezbear said...

And, you know what, darlin'? We never stop learning.

spoke the cat said...

amen to that!

CrookedCharisma said...

Some of us have learned more than others.